


Hesitation

by RumbleFish14



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time Blow Jobs, Fix-It, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Season/Series 04, Snowballing, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:34:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21857698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RumbleFish14/pseuds/RumbleFish14
Summary: A little extension of the blowjob scene in season 4...
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 24
Kudos: 263





	Hesitation

**Author's Note:**

> Been in a funk all day 😭 needed a pick me up and this was it
> 
> Little more of the bj scene since they always cut that shit short

Hesitation  
(Oneshot)

"Suck my dick...whenever I want."

Those words rattled around in his mind for what seemed like weeks, when really it was a few seconds, if that. Micro-seconds. 

The nervousness is what ate at him. Unfamiliar territory, as were all things sexual for Mickey. Before Ian, there was nothing. Only beating off to Mandy's 'forgotten' or 'lost' magazines. He used those until the pages were sticky and ruined, forcing him to dump them in the trash. 

Angie didn't count in the sex category. Just like any of his other encounters with women. He thought of guys in order to get hard, kept thinking about them during sex to keep it up, faked his orgasm after they reached theirs and ended up sitting at the bottom of the shower as he rinsed them away. That and the tears, which he would never admit to anyone. 

Now Ian wanted him to suck him off. Nearly demanded it. Using it as ransom for him to go back to the house. 

Ian knew he'd never sucked dick before. Of course he knew because Ian was the only guy he'd ever been with. All his sexual experiences came from Ian. A learn as you go type deal. And even knowing that, even knowing how scared he was, inexperienced, Ian still demanded it. 

There was no way he could say no, even if he wanted to.

Mickey glanced at Ian, his face buried back in that notebook. Seemingly unaffected by his lack of answer, as if he couldn't care less if he did it or didn't do it. 

If he didn't know Ian any better, he would believe it. But he did know him and his body like the back of his hand. Ian wanted it, and he was both afraid when he said no or if he said yes.

Mickey could see the way Ian's throat bobbed as he swallowed every few seconds. He could see the way his sturdy jaw clenched so he didn't take the words back or tell him to forget them altogether. Ian's hands were shaky as he scribbled like a maniac in the notebook, probably just pantomime until he decided what the next play was. 

Mickey was going to do it. He already decided the first time Ian set that action as his price. But he was nervous, anxious, aroused by it all. 

Would he be good at it? Probably not because aside from Ian blowing him and his excessive use of porn, he didn't know what he was doing. 

Sucking was pretty obvious but there was so much more. You had to have good rhythm, suction, make sure you didn't use teeth, don't pay too much attention to one part and neglect the rest. 

It was complicated. 

He was also out of time. 

Mickey caught Ian's mischievous eyes before he moved. He pushed away from his fake relaxed position against the dresser and in one swift movement, he moved to his knees between Ian's legs.

Ian was smirking, pushing his notebook away. Mickey could feel his excitement as Ian leaned back on his arms, waiting. 

There were no words. Mickey worked open Ian's belt with a kind of skill he didn't have, popped the button, split the zipper and Ian lifted long enough to pull his jeans down to his ankles. 

Fuck, Ian was already hard. Mickey could see everything. The perfect outline of his dick, long and thick with blood pumping so quickly he could see it pulse. In seconds, that wet spot appeared at the head, making him glance up. 

Ian held his bottom lip between his teeth. Mickey knew it was so he didn’t reach out, physically or emotionally because that wasn't what this was. He was expected to blow him, not be praised for his skill. Or lack of. 

Instead of holding the gaze any longer, Mickey tucked his fingers into the band of Ian's boxers and slowly pulled them down. He only realized he'd been holding his breath the entire time when he exhaled harshly, causing Ian to twitch, to pulse like a heartbeat. 

With no word from Ian, which made him that much more nervous, Mickey dipped his head down, licking from the base of Ian's dick all the way to the shiny head. 

Ian let out a low gasp, so low that Mickey thought he imagined it. One lick had Ian's thighs clenching, his dick leaking just for him. 

So he did it again, rather enjoying the salty taste, the heat against his tongue and all those low sounding moans. He gripped both of Ian's thighs, squeezing, kneading them with his hands. 

"Fuck." Ian whispered. Biting his lip to keep quiet. 

Ian groaning had him groaning. His licks became more urgent, needy in a way he didn't expect. Each time he drew back, moving closer to Ian's balls, he could almost see green eyes on him, but he could never meet them. 

Soon the licks weren't enough, for either of them. Ian kept spreading his legs, like he was ready for more and Mickey couldn't stop shifting as his own dick pressed hard into his zipper. 

There needed to be more. 

Without looking up, Mickey moved his hand from Ian's thigh to his dick, gripping it tightly as it bobbed heavily, searching for heat, for his mouth. Ian sucked in a sharp breath as his only encouragement. 

Mickey opened his mouth, panting as he lowered onto him. Taking Ian deeper and deeper until there was nowhere else to go. Ian's dick hit the back of his throat, poking until he had to pull off for a minute. Mickey breathed through his nose, keeping his eyes closed and began to move.

Pushing down slowly, using his tongue when he could to wet the rest of Ian's dick, making it easier to take. He pulled up fast though, remembering to keep his teeth tucked behind his lips. His tongue swirled from base to head, then into his slit before he went back down to repeat. 

Ian was still above him. His thighs barely shook, only spreading wider a few times. If it wasn't for the low breathing above and the fact that he could feel Ian's thundering heart beat, Mickey might think Ian didn't even like it.

There were no words of encouragement, or acknowledgment. Ian didn't tell him how good it was in that special way Ian did sometimes. There were no moans or heavy groaning like when they fucked.

Just nothing.

Mickey didn't even know if he was doing a good job, or if it sucked and Ian just didn't say it because he didn't want to talk to him. Did it feel okay? Was he enjoying it? Should he go faster or slower? 

Ian liked to coach him during sex, even when Mickey barked at him for it, acting like he didn't like it. Ian liked to tell him how he needed it. Slower or faster, or if he needed him deeper. Telling him how good he felt, how much he liked it.

Mickey really wanted that right now. He almost needed it. 

"Keep goin." Ian whispered, barely loud enough to be heard over his heart. 

Mickey sagged against him, leaning his chest and arms along Ian's thighs. Letting it brace him as he kept going. Up and down, taking Ian as deep as his throat would allow, then circling his head on the way up. 

An hour could have passed, or it could have been moments. Mickey kept it up, working his mouth up and down his dick and Ian went back to being silent and he couldn't take it. 

When he pulled back, it wasn't because Mickey didn't like it, or because his jaw started to ache and his lips rubbed together too many times. He stopped because of the lack of reaction.

Mickey released him, flushing as Ian's dick came out wet and shiny. He moved back, sitting on his heels as he tried to breathe passed the panic and failure washing over him. His hands shook as he wiped his mouth, feeling his lips swollen and heated. 

"Why'd you stop?" Ian asked, swallowing his breathless moans. 

Mickey couldn't meet his eyes as he stood and felt both knees and his back pop. "Because you're a fuckin statue sittin there. Might as well not do that shit if it doesn't sway you into comin back."

"What am I supposed to do?" Ian asked, leaning all the way back as he tried not to react to the hurt look on Mickey's face. "Just act like shit is okay?"

"Fuck no, if shit is fucked up say it is." Mickey paced, keeping the panic down even if he was still hard in his jeans. "But don't fucking ask me to blow you if you don't want that shit in the first place."

"My dick is hard, of course I want it." Ian shot back, sounding just as irritated.

Mickey scoffed. "Yeah, whatever. I can tell how much you like it." He said sarcastically, seeing Ian's face out of the corner of his eye, no change. "Sorry my dick sucking skills aren't as developed as yours."

Ian chuckled. "I said keep goin. Normally that means I like it."

God, he felt stupid. This had been a bad idea from the start and this shit only made it worse. Only now he was embarrassed, ashamed, even less confident than he had been. 

"You don't wanna come back, fine." Mickey headed towards the door before his emotions got the better of him. "Stay the fuck here."

Ian stood then, moving to pull his boxers up to cover himself. "You're the one who came to me Mickey, not the other way around. Don't get pissy because this didn't end in you getting what you wanted."

Mickey turned, eyebrows in his hairline. "At least when you're on your knees I acknowledge you. I don't just sit there like an asshole who doesn't give a fuck if it happens or not."

"I wouldn't have told you I wanted it if I didn't." Ian shot back, voice rising as he moved closer. They were almost face to face. "If you don't to, that's fine, you can get the fuck out."

Even if Ian was getting angry at him, at least it was an emotion. Not nothing. Not silence. But emotion, even if it was anger, Mickey took it as a good sign. Ian still wanted him.

"Sit the fuck down then." Mickey shoved him back a step, making Ian move back to the bed. "Well?"

Ian sat back down, pulling his boxers as he went and Mickey could still see how hard he was. It gave him a little hope. Not much, but some. 

A noise behind him made Mickey turn, seeing the door open. That it had been open the entire time and he didn't care enough to get mad. Now Carl stood there, eyes a little wide as he could clearly see what was going down. 

"Dick sucking lessons are closed." Mickey barked and slammed the door. He could hear Carl hammering down the stairs. 

Ian chuckled, glancing at Mickey under his eyelashes. 

Before anything else could happen, Mickey moved back down to his knees, a little more eager this time. He gripped Ian's thighs and spread them quickly, earning a gasp from him. He didn't let it get to him. Not yet. 

"I want you to." Ian said softly, leaning back. 

Mickey leaned down, gripping him at the base, ready to take him back down, when Ian shifted, making him look up. "What?"

"Do it like you did before." Ian met his eyes, feeling it all this time. 

The request was simple enough and Ian's tone was better. Mickey repeated his actions, licking him up and down for awhile, making him fully hard again within seconds. Above him, Ian finally let those sounds out, breathy sighs that had goosebumps prickle at the back of his neck. 

"That feels good." Ian shifted, spreading his legs wider for Mickey to settle between them. "Teasing though."

The words, although simple, made it all change. It felt different, better. Mickey was breathless as he kept it up, swirling the tip of his tongue into Ian's slit until those sounds got louder. His hand remained on Ian's thigh, squeezing every now and then. 

"More." Ian whispered, moving his hand to the base of his dick, holding it up. "Let me feel it."

Mickey glanced up as he opened his mouth and Ian's face was flushed red, his mouth open a little to breathe deeply, eyes pleading.

This was his Ian. The one he was used to. 

Ian's entire body moved when he sealed his mouth around him again. His lips closed tightly just above where Ian's hand gripped the base. Wetness pooled on his tongue, making him swallow or risk gagging. 

"Fuck." Ian repeated his earlier groan, his hand nearly pressed against Mickey's swollen lips. 

It was easier the second time. Mickey bobbed his head, going deep enough to jump start his gag reflex before he pulled up, sucking his cheeks in, wiggling his tongue as much as he could. 

"Yeah." Ian moaned, head tipped back when Mickey gagged, his voice broken. "Yeah, that's good."

Mickey moaned this time, causing Ian to buck from the vibrations, his hips barely tilting into his mouth. That's when he glanced up, meeting wide green eyes and it all changed.

"God Mickey," Ian moaned, one hand moving to Mickey's hair from off the bed where he braced himself. He pushed his hands into dark hair, letting it slip between his fingers before he pulled. "Your mouth."

Fuck. This is what he needed. Mickey needed Ian like this. 

"You like it?" Mickey asked roughly as he pulled back, the head of Ian's dick on his bottom lip. 

Ian nodded, licking his dry lips. "I fucking love it Mick." He flexed his hips so his dick pushed against Mickey's lips, then moved back. "It feels incredible but the way you look…" He trailed off, his body shaking.

Mickey smirked, feeling a little bit better. Good enough to take him back down with more gusto than before. Pushing down until he couldn't breathe and Ian's back bowed off the bed, hands digging into his hair while he tipped his head back and fucking moaned. 

"Shiiitt." Ian moaned, unable to stop himself, he began to thrust up into his mouth. Pushing passed soft lips and onto his wet tongue, going as deep as possible. 

Mickey let it happen. He kept his tongue flat as Ian fucked into his mouth. It shouldn't have felt so good, he shouldn't have wanted it like that. But he did, his body wanted it, pushing forward so his dick got some attention from the edge of the bed frame. 

"Too hard?" Ian asked, unable to stop. He kept moving, losing himself.

Mickey shook his head as much as possible. It was too hard, Ian was too big and going way too deep, making his gag reflex react just before he pulled back. Only to do it again. But it was working for him. For them. Ian looked half out of his mind, and he was nearly fucking the side of the bed, needing his own release.

"Shit," Ian slowed, panting harshly as his body moved back to his original passive position. "Sorry. I have no idea what happened."

"You liked that?" Mickey asked as he pulled back again, his voice raw. "Fucking my mouth like that?"

Ian nodded, arching his back again as he groaned. "Feels better when you go at your own speed." He pushed Mickey's hair back, it was damp with sweat. "You doin it got me close."

"Yeah, me too." Mickey whispered but from Ian's gasp, he knew he heard him. "More?"

Ian grinned, rubbing one thumb over Mickey's red bottom lip. "More."

With a smirk, Mickey took him down again. Confident this time. As Ian moaned for him, he moaned back, muffled vibrations only egging it on. His jaw ached and his knees were sore but he was amped up. Ready to push this all the way to the end. 

"I'm close." Ian whined, one leg moving to rest on the edge of the bed. "Can I do it again?"

Mickey was close, alarmingly so. Even with no stimulation. Nothing aside from the few times he pushed against the bed frame. He was ready to go off like a rocket. 

"Mmm." Was Mickey's only answer, moaning around him. 

Ian got the picture. Mickey slowed, moving one hand to Ian's thigh, the other down to his lap, pressing against himself, groaning as Ian started to move.

"Fuck, I can't believe how good it is." Ian whined, pushing into his mouth quickly until his balls smacked against Mickey's chin. He held both sides of his head, rutting into him. "God. I'm gonna fucking come."

The harder Ian moved, the harder Mickey pushed against himself, adding the friction he needed to get there. Ian was seconds away from coming, and all he could think about was if he was supposed to swallow or not. 

"You ready?" Ian whined, eyes wild as he met Mickey's. Watery, unsure. "Want me to pull out?"

Mickey didn't know how to answer one way or another. 

"Not gonna pull out," Ian groaned, eyes rolling back. "Feels too damn good. But don't spit, I'll take care of it."

Mickey had no idea what that meant. But he had no time to think on it. Ian's thrusts grew ragged, nearly painful. Somehow it got him what he needed because he was coming in his jeans, nearly untouched, moaning wildly around Ian's cock. 

"Fuck, fuck, oh fuck!" Ian whimpered as he came, falling back to the bed as he filled Mickey's mouth, slowly rolling into it until he could no longer move. "God damn."

Mickey's first instinct was to swallow. His entire mouth was full, thick, hot come nearly choking him. But Ian said not to spit, so he didn't. But he did tap Ian's leg, getting him out of that post orgasm glow to help him with his problem.

"Look like a chipmunk." Ian sat up, chuckling. 

Mickey flipped him off. 

Ian moved to the edge of the bed. "Come here." He pulled Mickey closer. "I'm gonna kiss you."

Mickey's eyes widened, pointing to his obvious full mouth. 

Ian smiled salaciously. "Want you to push it into mine." He waited to see his eyes widen again. "Can you do that?"

Of course he could physically do it. But why? Wasn't that gross? Why would Ian want to taste his own spunk?

Ian smiled, seeing a million questions in his eyes. "It's called snowballing, and I love it." He licked his lips, eager for that kiss. "Yeah?"

Mickey nodded, mostly just to get it out of his mouth before his gag reflex took over and this ended up an epic fail. Not to mention his boxers were sticking to his thighs in that unpleasant way.

"Might be messy." Ian cupped his face, smoothing over his lips. "Just do it."

Mickey moved to his knees, let Ian press their lips together and waited all of about two seconds before he opened his mouth. Come poured out. Some going into Ian's mouth, making Ian moan, some dribbling down his chin, then his neck. Nearly all of it was gone just as Ian kissed him again, pushing it back into his mouth. 

This time, he groaned. Making Ian copy the sound. His hands moved to Ian's face, gripping him hard as they kissed and shared his come. Pushing it back and forth until only the smallest taste lingered. Until they were both messy and breathless. Smiling. 

"Snowballing huh?" Mickey asked, wiping his mouth as he pulled back. Ian nodded, grinning. "Didn't think I would like it."

"Did you?" Ian asked coyly.

"If I didn't, I wouldn't have done it." Mickey kissed him again quickly, then stood on shaky legs. "Better get goin."

Ian's smile faded, even when he noticed Mickey's wet crotch. "Already?"

Mickey nodded, shifting a little to about the wet spot. Too bad it was all wet. "Need to change."

Without meaning to, Mickey let on that he was only going home because he needed to change. Not because Svetlana was there, or the baby. And Ian smiled because of it, understanding instantly. 

"You wanna stay here?" Ian offered. "You can borrow my shit."

Mickey nodded, smiling a little too. "Okay. But I don't think your bed is big enough."

Ian chuckled as he dug around for a spare pair of boxers and tossed them to Mickey. "I'll take the floor."

Mikey snatched the boxers, already on his way to change in the bathroom. "I'm takin the floor."

*

Mickey was situated on the floor, as comfortable as humanly possible for being on the hard floor. He had Ian's pillow and a sheet halfway draped on his body, laying beside Ian's bed like it was a sleepover. 

They almost got into another fight trying to decide who would man up and take the floor. Of course he won. Refusing to stay if Ian had to give up his own bed. 

But Ian didn't make it easy on him. 

Even now as Ian slept, he laid on his back, one arm tossed over his eyes while the other slipped under his shirt. Ian's body was angled oddly, halfway turned to the side because Ian's leg hung off the bed. 

It wasn't on him or pushing at him. But it was firm against his side, comforting, even when they were only inches away from each other. Ian was touching him. 

Mickey hated it, but he was grateful for the touch. He was bordering on sleep, one hand curled around Ian's ankle, the tips of his fingers sliding up and down over soft skin. It was calming. Especially after the rollercoaster of emotions they'd been on for the last few days. 

It was incredible what a simple touch could do. 

Just before Mickey let sleep take him, even when his fingers slowed, his head growing heavy, he heard Ian's sleep filled voice.

"Hey Mick?" Ian turned, eyes hooded as he glanced down.

"Hmm?" He answered back, exhausted, but interested. "What is it?"

It took Ian a minute to answer, already half asleep. "M' glad you're here."

Mickey smiled, eyes closing as he turned on his side to face the bed. Ian's leg still against him. "Me too. Go to bed."


End file.
